Monday, January 10, 2005
Before I have a blog...
Before I have a blog, I kept a journal. I owned several imported notebooks (the paper type la) from Japan (it being the most expensive and nicest) and several different coloured pens. It is just my way of spending my ATM's money. Each day, I would rant about something, read the Bible and voila! I usually found my answers there. I had been told by my church seniors not to play tikam-tikam (game of chance) with the Bible but that's the only way I can discipline myself to read it. Otherwise, I fall asleep reading from cover to cover. I also do not want to risk the rubbish in-rubbish out mentality whereby I go around babbling about things which I myself do not comprehend.
Now when I flipped back my old journal, I cannot remember whom I was referring to or what was the matter that caused me to be angry, sad, disappointed etc etc. But the words I got from the Bible stayed with me.
For e.g. I was ranting about someone, a he, heck, I can't remember who, on 25th May 2004. It was a confrontation of sorts and I am scared shit on how to talk to 'him' (whoever he is). I found this verse :
Luke 12:12 - For the Holy Spirit will teach you at that time what you have to say.....
Frankly, my involvement in several support groups is not easy because sometimes I am tested beyond words. For e.g., being played out by people I trust, being taken for granted and etc. And I found this verse from Psalm 94:19 - The more worries and trouble assailed me, the more you (God) console me.
I realised that I had stopped writing the journal for a few months already. Probably, life has been very good to me and therefore, I do not need to find a 'fall guy' (Jesus) to rely on. I do still read the Bible, flipping through a few paragraphs but the intensity I felt is not as great as those times when I had just lost my son. However, one verse caught my eyes now- DO NOT FORGET GOD when you have everything. (I did not jot down which chapter this is from.)
So, I must remember to keep that private journal, a Dear Jesus sort of diary and also blog too! Yeah!
P/S : Nope, I have never use the Bible to tikam nombor ekor. Though someone did teach me to take the page number, find the square root and use the last 4 digits to buy Magnum (gambling). I believe my Lord will provide.
Posted by 5xmom.com at 1:43 AM