We can utter it without a thought to the ones who know we love them. Yet, we cannot get it out of our mouths to the ones who probably wanted to hear it from us.
We want to hear it so much and usually, we won't. Yet, some people sometimes overkill it by blabbing it all over the place.
I wish I know what I am writing but I don't. Why do I suddenly feel foolish when I told someone I love them? Why do I need a whole long sentence and maybe two or three just to explain what the 'love' I mean?
Why can I say 'I love you' to the older ladies but I get withdrawn if I hear it from the older gentlemen? (ok, gentleman) Why do I have no problem telling my girlfriends I love them but I felt like I am going to choke to death if I tell a man?
Why does Jesus told us to love one another and yet we are so afraid of loving? I do. I hated it. I dreaded it. It makes me feel sick when I feel I care for a person more than I should. When I go on my knees and told Jesus to watch over him and his family, watch over the little children he has to care for, the little kids he had to make sure to keep alive, I wonder if it is love that I feel or gratitude. Or both? Will God understand my meaning? I wonder too.....in another 20 years....when we are both grandpa and grandma, will I have the same gratitude, the same concerns I have for him?
Sometimes, I wish I don't have to know the meaning of love. That I could just keep that for my kids and my other half. But no, Christ filled us with the love He had for us and we in turn, have to shower others with it. That's when the doubts set in. Is it worth it? Is it right? Will they know it? Will they misinterpret it? And the worst is - Will others misinterpret it?
That's why I am sometimes thankful for the little reminders and the gentle nudges, humours and jokes by someone who will tell me, Fark care what others think. I wish it is as simple as that.
So, don't forget to remind me again and again, ok?
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