It is partly my fault that I love to use words that are deemed more extreme and may not always represent my inner self just for the drama of it. It is part of the game and whatever works, I will adopt it because I believe if we know how to stay rooted and know our directions, there is nothing wrong with it.
But of course, in the process, I get many taunts accusing me of being a lesser Christian. Too many of that surely makes me wonder too. Am I really? Is there some truth in it? In those moments, I do doubt and needed some quiet solitude with the Word of God for guidance.
For example, I have often heard of so many preaching about how holy and caring they are. In public, they loudly profess about helping the poor, the trodden and the rejected. Yet, if you put a beggar in their path, they will turned their nose away and look with disdain. It has happened so many times, right in front of my eyes. The poor chap whom people deemed to be a beggar had told me, with tears in his eyes. He told me about being rejected, shouted at and of people running away from sitting next to him.
Once, someone in authority, disgused himself as a beggar and drunkard. He went around the car park, asking for help and no one helped him. Then, he appeared at his place of authority and revealed his identity. Too bad I wasn't there to see those embarrassed faces of the hypocrites who were sitting there, showing their royal holiness.
Two nights ago, when I was feeling unworthy, I discovered something. As I sat there, pondering over the events leading to the Holy Week and our roles, I suddenly see the light. So many people seem so proud to profess, 'Test from God, carrying my cross' and etc. But do they really know what they are talking about? Are these mere utterances from a mind that had been tuned to say it?
As I sat there, a mother with her disabled, grown up son walked in. The sight of it touched my heart to the very core. It brought tears to my eyes. I can feel the burden of bringing up a son which others may labelled 'idiot'. Yet, do the people see the joy the mother has? Or the love the child received? She may received a lot of stares from us humans but I believe in her, lies a calm that only God gives. Do they see the goodness of being 'different'? I think this is what Christ meant when He asked us to embrace our cross. To love our cross, i.e. the troubles we had because even with all the difficulties, there are goodness out of it.
I realised that night that I am very special in many ways. I know God gives me skills that are special to me. He gave me my son, whom had died. But with it, lives my faith and love for Christ. So, though I may have suffered for that few months and maybe years, I found something greater. I'd rather lived and suffered and live again than be a hollow reed that just floats along. What about you? The next time you endure hardships, remember that goodness will come out of it. God will give us that strength. And if we persevere, we will see a much beautiful world.