Thursday, September 20, 2007

My hero

If there is ever one song that I am most afraid of listening is Bette Midler's Winds beneath my wings. It will open up the old wound and hit me so bad that I can break down in sobs. When it surfaced over the radio and when I am with happy company, it will at least make me suddenly sombre.

Until now, it still cause me to break down. Once, this song suddenly appeared on the car radio when I went to the beach to remember my son's death anniversary. It was the most touching moment because eventhough it was already very late in the evening, I can see a rainbow on the horizon at the sea where I scattered his ashes.

I chosed this song to make it as the background music on the first memorial page a bereaved mom from Texas made for me after his death. Doc C who was a Christian (I haven't turn to Christianity yet then) told me it was the most appropriate song as Vincent has been a hero throughout the time Doc C cared for him.

Therefore, the song will always be my Vincent's song. I wish I do not need to dig up the past but whenever I see all my children so happy together, I also see a gap there. A six years old boy that wasn't here.

I have forgotten that website but apparently, it is still there - My Little Hero. Geocities still leave it there. Oh God, grant me strength to face the following days. I know it is so wrong to wallow in the past when I have so much promises in the future. But how can I forget those nights when I would cried the whole night through while I struggled with learning html. It was that which propelled me to what I am today.

They say time will heal. It does but a wound remains.

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