Saturday, September 22, 2007

Wake me when September ends

That's actually a very nice song. A sad one too.

And that's what I wish to do. I wish September never exists in the first place. Maybe skip from August to October and things would have been better.

I really don't know. Hubby is taking leave on this Monday, 24th September but I asked him to take it on Thursday instead. I prefer to be moody alone at home than with him, dragging me around to keep me occupied.

I hate acting normal when I am not. I prefer to spend the day hating myself that I never get to celebrate that birthday on 24th September. I want to allow myself to have some self-pity and regrets. Otherwise, those things will build up again.

I want to recall what I told Prof. Lucy. I told Prof. Lucy that when Vincent is one years old, I am going to give the biggest birthday party to the sick kids in the children's ward. Actually, it was in April when I consulted Prof. Lucy. She told me in advance that Vincent may have to stay till his birthday. At that time, Taufik, a very sick child whom had stayed for 5 years in the UMMC was celebrating his birthday. Prof Lucy wanted to give me ample warning on what to expect.

Then, I even joked with Dr. Cheang that if Vincent is back to his hospital in Penang, I am going to do the same kind of birthday celebration for Lam Wah Ee Hospital paediatric ward as well. With balloons and cakes plus presents for the kids patients and the nurses.

But on 24th September, 2002 I no longer have a son. I did manage to carry out my promise. Dr. C's birthday is on that day too. I just recalled that I did bought a stack of colouring books and colouring pencils, some licensed kids VCD and a TV for his paediatric ward. The celebration was there, but not the child.

So, wake me up when September ends.

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