That girl

This music reflects my mood right now. I was at the coffee shop for a meal. Alone. My children and hubby were at the barber shop next door and I wanted to have a bowl of tomyam.

While I was sitting there, the old man who sells newspapers shoved the latest evening news to me. Right smack on my face. The 8 yrs old girl who died a brutal death was on the front page. Her dead body. Her cold, lifeless face.

I don't need to see that. I know what dead body is. I had carried one of my own from KL to Penang on a four hours ride home. Wrapped in a white cloth. I don't fucking want to be reminded of it.

The media is so bloody insensitive. She is dead. She has been brutally murdered. Her parents' hurt are so bad, they are in a stage of denial. I know what is denial. It sheltered us from the pain. Long after my son is back in Penang, lying there motionless, I still can act strong because I was in denial too. I pretended I was not part of the scene.

Dear God, I feel so broken right now. I can't endure seeing dead children used as a hot topic to sell newspapers. I can't stand people around me talking so insensitively, speculating rubbish. Yet, I can't cry.

And no one is around to make me laugh anymore.